Author: WhatIMiss?

Yokohama, Japan

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

In early August 1994, B.Michael was all set to accompany his partner, John, who was slated to attend the Tenth International Conference on AIDS as a representative of Asian & Pacific Islander Coalition on HIV/AIDS, Inc.

Additionally, through his networks, John was able to arrange for he and B.Michael, post-Conference, to meet with students from Kyoto Seika University who were interested in learning about HIV/AIDS, community organizing efforts, and civil rights movements in the U.S.

1994-BMH-almost-going-to-japan-incl-correspondence-with-setsuko

Unfortunately, B.Michael learned, just a week before their scheduled departure, that he had to complete a professional education course ahead of September 1st in order to maintain his teaching license. He was forced to cancel his plans to join John on what would have been their first trip to Asia.

Forgotten Thoughts

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

upon hearing the news
i wondered
had i wished for this?
voices echoing in my head
“be careful”
“be careful what you wish for”

him
johnnie walker johnnie walker
absent eggs & bacon, coffee brewing
morning smells
his breath was johnnie walker

and her
better get an A
spirit broken — nervous
better get an A
i’d work to keep her home
no trouble, i’d be no trouble
i’d get that A
ashamed i wished them dead

the best they could
they had done
the best they could
and for that
i wished them life

i left
trying to protect you
into the night
severing my tongue
afraid to disappoint
to protect you
i could live this lie
hoping you would die
before i’d get caught

what about your brothers
would this hurt your brothers?
she asked
he says
this is not the dream i had for you
had they wished me dead?

upon hearing the news
pregnant with desire father of dreams
my veins filled with poisoned liquid
my eyes now veiled
i remember at sixteen on a bridge i wanted to jump
getting the news
cysts and discharged fluid
hardening on the breast i once suckled
she cut and stapled in one day in the same week
he was cut and stapled
after his river of life refused to flow

i remember
at the side of the grave
children lowered
wailing mother
_______ “oh, Lord, why?
_______ take me, i have nothing now
_______ please, take me”
i had thought
“those that have given life
should not have to lay it to rest”
i remembered
upon hearing the news
what i had wished for.


© B.Michael Hunter 1994

Written at Bread Loaf Writing Workshop, Andover MA

1994-The-News


Beginning The Day

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

I begin the day massaging my mind
Knowing I’ve walked this winding road before
Gospel rings out of every pore of my body
Like a wrung sponge full of spilt milk
Which would have been ice cream
Had we not the night before been so in love
I’m really daydreaming unable to start today because of yesterday
Could life be the smell of french fries
Like the sweetness of your dreams
I could love you like tomorrow
A testament to your copper skinned beauty
Are you sure
Will we swoon?
Our dancing fluid or will it become an abrasive?
Will we stay in love
Life is often a winding road, it can be sexy and strange
Inspiring your heart to beat and attracting your mind to breathe
I begin the day massaging my mind
On my way to tomorrow.


© B.Michael Hunter 1994

1994G11-beginning-the-day



But You Were Yves (for Assotto Saint)

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

Calm fragranted air
How in all this stillness, this splendor
could grief be so great?

I’ve paced the floors of my mind
I am visited by old friends
Will you see them there?

I pictured trees and forest and motion
Are you a circle?
Was the shade you cast so broad it stunted the growth of others?

From time to time I wonder
What is to be learned from this
Death
Begs the question

I’m to write A SAMIKA
Seven lines with sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, ending with a couplet on how I feel.
A direction like so many I cannot follow
How does one duplicate brilliance?
The words you so eloquently wrote in A SAMIKA

Holding you one of six* —
to your final resting place
to decay on the love of your life
Did you die of a broken heart?
The ritual seems so ordinary


© B.Michael Hunter 1994


*Reference to other Black Gay male writers who died relatively close together in the early 90s: Craig G. Harris (1991), Donald W. Woods (1992), Roy Gonsalves (1993), and Marlon Riggs (1994).

Bread Loaf

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

B.Michael attended Bread Loaf, a life-changing summer program that braided his passions for learning, teaching and writing. He manifested a handful of poems (scroll to 1994) that are included on this site.

Below are a couple of B.Michael’s writing exercises from that summer.

1994G-ABLWW-practice-writing

And here, for the record, his final grade!

1994H24-bread-loaf-grade

Bill T. Jones: Still/Here

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

[Choreographer Bill T. Jones’] Still/Here (1994) is an evening-length work exploring the experience of receiving and living with a life-threatening medical diagnosis, rooted in Jones’s responses to being diagnosed HIV-positive. It features a video score by artist Gretchen Bender based on excerpts from interviews with people who had received such diagnoses, together with a commissioned musical score, spoken text and movement. [Wikipedia]

B.Michael is one of the interviewees whose words are included in this work.

Click image above to access video. B.Michael’s voice begins at 0:43.

Source : Maison de la Danse Programme, 1994


Black Hands-Green Thumbs

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

B.Michael fostered growth in everyone around him. His deeply nurturing spirit also benefited the natural world. He was a big fan of houseplants and derived joy from caring for them in his urban settings.

His East Village home, which he shared for a time with lover John, included a bank of five sun-drenched windows, each connected to a tiny room, that ran along the same wall of the East 11th Street apartment building. The sills were chock-full of potted plants of different heights and widths.

Whenever B.Michael went away, he would leave John’s clear instructions for providing them TLC . . .

Scan

Yves François Lubin (aka Assotto Saint) ~ Rest In Power

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

In 1994, B.Michael wrote a poem inspired by his Other Countries brother Yves the week after his passing.

Below is the iconic portrait of Assotto Saint taken by Robert Giard in 1987 and featured in the photographer’s Particular Voices, where B.Michael’s image also appears.

yves-lubin-bob-giard
1994F29-assotto-memorial-et-al-add-to-WM-post
1994F29-yves-lubin-obit
1994F29-assotto-saint-funeral-cards

Particular Voices

WhatIMiss?Leave a comment

Sometime in 1994, B.Michael and John Manzon-Santos were approached by the artist Robert Giard, who subsequently photographed them via the natural light in their apartment at 528 East 11th Street #11 in Manhattan. They donned their slightly wrinkled Commitment Ceremony shirts and the beads they had exchanged at that occasion on April 2nd of that year.

In 1997, they received a copy of Giard’s Particular Voices: Portraits of Gay and Lesbian Writers, honored to find themselves included among the publication’s 182 images.