B.Michael is among those interviewed for a cover story in The Guide To The Gay Northeast, November 1989.
Black & Gay With Something To Say
Category: Documents
Other Countries ~ “A Page from a Black Child’s Diary”
This special Other Countries program was jointly sponsored with Gay Men of African Descent and coordinated by What I Miss? contributors, Allen Wright and Bil Wright. It showcased the voices of a dozen writers, including B.Michael, who probably read a couple of poems along with his piece, “Cousins”, which he co-wrote with his mother’s younger sister’s oldest daughter, Sheilah Mabry.
Life After IBM ~ Day One
B.Michael writes a letter to his dear friend Ron Harris, based in Philadelphia, who died of HIV disease in the mid ’90s. Fortunate — and curious — that he made and kept a photocopy.
September 28, 1989
1:43 PM
Hello Ron,
How are you?
I am sitting at my desk thinking about the first day I walked into IBM. It’s almost 24 hours since my last day at IBM. I have decided to leave! IT IS TIME TO GO. I didn’t get the job at NYU and I really don’t have the money to go — that is, leave comfortably — but I am going nonetheless.
I have mixed feelings about going. IBM has a certain level of security. I know how to do this job with no problems. But I am not happy and I don’t feel as if I am growing.
I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO NOTHING!!
I have a number of plans: travel, reading a number of books, some things I want to write, some classes I want to take. I am going to spend at least a month thinking about what direction my life will take in the next few years.
I’m enclosing this picture of us. Damn, I look good! Show it to people — I could always use the ego boost.
Oh yeah, you still have what gives me fever! I hope you always will. For me, it’s nice to know that I have dealt with people in the past, who I can still look at now, and say, Yeah, that’s what I saw in them. It’s good to be your friend.
Have you been back to the park yet?
I did not get the job at NYU that I wanted. I am wrecked, destroyed, disappointed. I’ll get over it.
Love Always,
Bert
P.S. [illegible] “… so you’ll get this …”
Life in NYU Limbo
B.Michael writes a letter to his dear friend Trevor Moore, based in the U.K., who died in the early ’90s. Fortunate — and curious — that he made and kept a photocopy.
September 20, 1989
11:10 AM
Hello Trevor,
I begin this letter in anticipation of word from New York University School of Law, whether they are extending an offer of employment to me as Admissions Director. It is strange for me to want/need a new job. I have mixed feelings about leaving IBM. I am not sure if I just want to accept this job and start a new job as a Black Gay Male. I have had six — count them, six! — interviews for this job. It seems everyone must meet me for them to be sure. I think it’s sort of ironic that I would be considering a job at any law school. (Did I mention before that I used to consider law school the worst experience in my life?!?)
If I get this job, it would fit well into my plans — take classes, pay down debt, learn new skills, and more vacation (5 weeks). I have been up at night for the last 3 weeks. My mind has been very active, both my stomach and bowels can testify to that. One’s tight and the other’s loose. I have tried to calm myself down. Some days it works, some days it doesn’t.
I received your letter the day I developed the enclosed pictures. You have constantly been on my mind and I await the day I can come visit you in England. I still think it’s strange that I was able to connect with you in such a short time. I hope we will be old men together talking about the summer of 1989.
El and I are not talking. Maybe someday we will find a language where we can communicate healthily. I do hope so.
I feel as if I am participating in history. I was at a lecture/presentation for Simon Nkoli (the Black Gay South African activist) and a memorial for Pat Parker (this Black Lesbian writer [who] can/did write her ass off!). If you can get any of her works, do; if not, I’ll be glad to send you samples. Both events were packed (well attended), standing room only.
How are your studies going? Six months from now, you will be well on your way to completing this coursework and preparing for medical school. Five years from now, you will wonder where the time went and what country you plan on working in. I have full faith that you will be able to successfully complete your current coursework and medical school. I wish you strength and joy towards both endeavors.
It is now 11:40 AM. I still have not heard from NYU. I will stop this part of the letter now and pick up after I hear from them. One way or the other, life goes on. I hope I remember this when I hear from them.
September 22, 1989
3:30 PM
After waiting two days, I found out that they have offered the job to someone else. I think “a white man” — that’s expected. I’m not sure how I feel. I somehow feel relieved that I would not have to fight that war. My inside person was unaware that anyone else was being considered for the position and offered their condolences. That’s nice to know.
I spoke earlier to my friend (Denise), the law professor and she said I might have a basis for a lawsuit if they don’t offer me the job. Well, I’ll have to call her and let her know it didn’t happen. This total experience, although not over, has helped me to put things in perspective. I am very disappointed, very disappointed, but I’ve been disappointed before and have had to move on. Over the next few days, I’ll figure out what I want to do next.
On a happier note, I’ll be reading with Sheilah excerpts from our story, “Cousins.” I’ve enclosed the flyer. I am grateful that I am in good health and have all that life has to offer me ahead.
Love,
Bert
B.Michael (far right) did end up visiting Trevor (far left) in the U.K a few months later.
Barbados
Two weeks shy of turning 31, B.Michael visited Barbados in the West Indies for his first and only time. Below are some memorabilia from his trip, including a tourist map, receipts associated with his accommodations and currency exchange, and an accounting of his incidental expenses.
While swimming on the beach, B.Michael almost drowned, but came away with an important epiphany about which he wrote “Bridgetown” — one of his most powerful poems.
Other Countries – Featured in The Advocate
By the time this article came out, B.Michael had begun attending Other Countries writing workshops and helped support OC’s first publication as chair of the Marketing and Finance Committee.
FYI: On page 50, Roy Gonsalves is pictured behind Donald Woods, and again on page 54 behind Colin Robinson (who is featured in What I Miss?).
Correction: On page 53, the artist in the upper photo is Len Richardson, not Allen Wright (also featured in What I Miss?).
“Probable Cause” (earlier draft)
These three pages were tucked away in a folder that B.Michael had brought to an Other Countries workshop, most likely in December 1988.
Per the practice of the standing, bimonthly Saturday workshop, he would have made copies of his poem for distribution to workshop participants (see version A). Then he would have taken notes on folks’ comments (see version B), and then rewritten it, incorporating their feedback (see version C), which appears along with B.Michael’s other writing here.
On version B, B.Michael jotted the date and address of what sounds like a New Year’s Eve gathering. Did you attend either this workshop or that party? If so, please let us know!
Inventory: Identities, Roles, Values, Plans
Circa 1988, while working for IBM, B.Michael completed a self-guided exercise to help clarify a kind of “life strategic plan.”
First, he was prompted to list roles that he played in his life, in order of importance:
UNCLE***
BLACK AMERICAN GAY MALE***
TEACHER*
CONFIDANT**
SOCIAL (aka Community) ORGANIZER*
SOCIAL WORKER*
Consultant*
ROLE MODEL*
ARTIST*
Businessman
The number of asterisks above indicate how intensely, at the time, he was playing each role. The roles in bold caps are those he wanted to increase in intensity. Below are responses designed to get at what brought him fulfillment at that time.
Principles he stands for:
Hope, Family
What has given him the most lasting satisfaction:
Education, Sharing
Major stumbling blocks he has overcome in his life:
Being Gay, Being Poor, Being a Black Male
Activities he most enjoys:
Reading, Movies, Teaching children, Listening to people, History
Experiences in life that stimulate him and make him feel it’s great to be alive:
Children, Acquiring things he thought he could not get, Achieving things that [illegible] only slightly [illegible]
Experiences in life he wants more often:
Teaching, Creating, Helping my family
Skills or talents he would like to improve/develop/become proficient at:
Speaking another language, Writing, Having children, Socializing more via work
Present activities he would like to do less of/drop entirely/avoid:
Working on sales to my customer set
What appears to be the “central values” of his life — the “matters of highest priority” when planning how he wants to live:
Empowering others
Finally, given all of the above, he was asked to bring it back to his context as an IBM employee.
What he wants to do inside IBM:
Improve income, Work for community sector
What he wants to do outside IBM:
Teach, Travel, Learn another language, Raise children, Help others
It would stand to reason that this inventory helped him arrive at and/or confirm his decision to leave IBM in 1989.
“Mirror, mirror . . .”
B.Michael looking foine in his tighty-whities. Two images from an impromptu photo shoot in his Manhattan apartment at 528 East 11th Street #11, circa August 1988.
Our question is: who was the shutterbug? We’d love to know! Please contact us here.